If I’m your your wedding celebrant, you’ll have this support as standard – plus loads more, but here are some tips to get you going.

Fear not the blank page: inspiration will come!

Most people panic at the sight of a blank screen and have a mortal fear of the blank page. They (quite naturally) think that all the answers will be there for them on Google/social media.

STOP! The problem with Google/social media is that you’ll be so overwhelmed with options, you’ll have no confidence in your own ideas. Your own ideas are always the best ideas. It’s your wedding.

Remember that old trick about not thinking about pink elephants, which makes you only think about pink elephants? Google/social media give you pink elephants, green monkeys,  blue parrots – the whole safari.

Forget about everyone else’s vows, what do YOU want to say to your partner?

Be your own wordsmith

Some people think they’re no good with words and that therefore their wedding vows won’t be any good either. Not true. Your partner loves you as you are, and if your wedding vows sound like you, that’s perfect. I’m not just indulging you here – it’s true. When you use your own normal words and expressions, your vows will sound right. ‘Right’ means genuine, personal and original, which is exactly what your wedding ceremony should be.

Pair up your wedding vows

My final tip is all about pairing up your wedding vows, so you and your partner are both happy with them. Think about matching the length and the tone. You can choose to say the same thing, or your might personalise them. You could do something completely different from each other. Your vows should be serious and heartfelt, but you can add humour if that feels right.

Whatever else you say … remember to say ‘I love you’!!

Go for it!

And finally – start early, don’t procrastinate. You’ll feel great when your vows are done and they will be ‘wower’ with the extra time and effort you put in. Have fun with them and be proud of your vows.

Need more help? Get in touch – I’d love to help you create your perfect wedding. For more info on my bespoke ceremonies, take a look at my weddings page

If you love Xinmei and Josh’s wedding photo, check out their photographer White Stag Wedding Photography

The post All the wows with your vows! How to write your own wedding vows appeared first on Beautiful Day Celebrant.

I’m no politician, so I’ll tell you straight that my weddings cost £700. And now, can I tell you why a wedding celebrant is worth every penny, and what you’ll get for your money. You’re getting a beautiful, bespoke wedding ceremony, AND you’re getting something money can’t buy. In a nutshell, it’s a unique, richer more ‘wow!’ experience of a wedding ceremony that no one will have ever seen before.

Why have a wedding celebrant?

Weddings are full of beautiful things, but how many tug on the heartstrings like the moment you exchange your vows? This is the emotional heart of the day. It’s the bit everyone looks forward to, like the jammy heart in a jammy dodger biscuit. A celebrant frames that moment with a beautiful ceremony, full of your personality, meaning and joy.  It’s much more than just words: it’s a shared feeling of connection. Your guests get a deeper insight into your your world, and hear your love story told in a brilliant, original way.  And all that – even before we get to your vows!

So, let me tell you what I invest in your wedding.

What’s included in my ceremony fee?

My fee is based on the complete time we work together, not just the length of the ceremony. I spend time getting to know you, and then researching, thinking, creating, writing and delivering your ceremony. That’s the same process, whether your wedding is 30 minutes or 45 minutes long.

We get to know each other via face to face meetings, a couple of thought-provoking questionnaires, emails, phone calls and texts. I ask you questions; you ask me questions… like this one for a couple who met at Pizza Hut:

I give you my creative ideas, and my ability to upscale your ideas and make them happen, as you imagine. I have years of professional and creative copywriting experience, so I can express your thoughts, in a way that sounds natural and right for you. You get my degree in English Literature, which helps me find the kind of readings you might like, plus you get my nerdy obsession with interesting words.

You get my membership of celebrant networks, which gives me training and keeps my work fresh. You get my years as a registrar, to help you navigate the English legal marriage system. You get my industry contacts, to help you find the best suppliers of things like candles and ribbons.

You get my shiny new PA system and my fancy presentation script in a smart box. And you get free mileage 20 miles outside my home town of Bridport.

AND of course, you get ME – all the way from the booking stage to when you become brand new newlyweds. I’m here to muse with you, help you, celebrate with you, empathise and commiserate with you if this get stressful. I’m a sounding board for your thoughts, and someone you can turn to for wedding advice. I’m like a professional wedding buddy; we’ll have lots of chats and laughs in the run-up to your big day.

And when that day dawns, I’m very calm. I’ll help you with nerves, wobbly legs, a last-minute needs for water and tissues, the label that sticks out, the stray thread on your dress, the guest that needs a chair, or a chat. I’ll take a photo, move a table – whatever needs doing. And I’ll deliver your ceremony confidently and engagingly. When I look out and see your friends and family smiling at you, laughing at a bit of your love story, or shedding a sneaky tear – that makes me happy.

Together, we’ll have created something really special and wonderful memories you’ll keep forever. Everyone will enjoy it and talk about it. That’s the kind of wedding I offer. Is it your kind of wedding too?

Head over to my Weddings page to find out more.

The post How much does a wedding celebrant cost? appeared first on Beautiful Day Celebrant.

A unity candle ceremony is a wedding ritual which uses lighted candles to symbolise the uniting of a couple in marriage. It’s one of my favourite symbolic rituals, because it’s simple, meaningful and unpretentious. It adds an extra dimension to a wedding ceremony, it looks beautiful and everyone gets it.

It’s typically used for the wedding couple, but it can represent the uniting of the couple’s two families through marriage. I also like to use it to include step-children into a second marriage. The unity candle, with individual candles for all the children, expresses the children’s importance within the new family: all together, equally loved and special.

I might also offer a unity candle as part of a celebration of life, to express how the person who has died is still at the heart of the family, loved and remembered.

Why candles?

There’s something special about a candle. Its flickering flame and subtle colours of yellow, orange and blue draw us in. A candle is an ancient symbol of dispelling darkness or negative energy and bringing in light, or positive energy. A candle radiates warmth and calm. Candles are often associated with love and romance. What would a romantic dinner for two be without a candle? Some people worry that candles are a bit ‘churchy’ for them, but in a modern ceremony context, they really aren’t.

And the last reason I like it, is because a unity candle has its own life, beyond your special day. You can light it again on your wedding anniversary, family reunions Christmas Day (or your equivalent celebration), or birthdays. It will always remind you of the first moment you lit it and the significance of that day. It’s a lovely memory when things are going well, and it might be a good visual ‘reset’, when you’re having a bad day/getting on each other’s nerves!!

How does the ceremony work?

In a wedding ceremony, I feel the best moment for a unity candle ceremony is after the vows and the exchange of rings. It’s meaningful at this point, as we’re looking ahead to the future.

I explain to your guests that you have chosen a unity candle ceremony to symbolise your combined personalities, hopes and intentions for your marriage. For most people, this will be new to them and they won’t have seen it before, so I’m careful to make sure they feel included.

I’ll invite you to light your individual candles and then after I’ve said some blessing words that I’ve written for you personally, you’ll light the unity candle together. It can be done in a quiet, reflective way, or in a spirit of happiness and celebration, depending on the atmosphere you want to create.

For a celebration of life, I would want to light the candle at the beginning, as a visual reminder that the person who has died, is always with us, in memory, or in spirit – according to your beliefs.

What do you need for a unity candle ceremony?

You will need two or more smaller candles to symbolise you as a couple, or more, if you’re including other family members. You’ll also need one large unity pillar candle. The unity candle needs to be on a stand; the smaller candles can be in candlesticks, or you just want the unity candle to burn, you can just extinguish the dinner candles and lay them down. It does look good having them all burning together, but it’s your choice.

You can find some beautiful candles on Etsy. Some have natural themes, some are personalised, there are carved styles, minimalist styles and super-swanky- bling styles.

Things to bear in mind

A ritual should always feel right for you and how you are. Don’t have one for the sake of it. The unity candle ceremony is very versatile, but it’s not going to be right for everyone.

Candles are hopeless outside, unless you are using a hurricane lamp. Even so, the slightest gust of wind could blow them out, which is not the symbolism we’re looking for! Bright sunshine also makes the unity candle ceremony hard to see and therefore less effective. For an outdoor summer wedding ritual, I’d probably suggest a sand ceremony, or a hand-fasting instead.

If children are involved, you need some kind of candle drip protectors or guards, to stop hot wax spilling on their hands. Small children obviously need close supervision.

Check that your venue is OK with candles, especially if it’s a historic building. I haven’t had a problem yet, but it’s best to check.

Where to buy:

Etsy

AgaMakesCandles

Susabellas

LanaCarvedCandles

Candles2Cherish

That’s probably everything you need to know about a unity candle ceremony. If you didn’t know what one was, I hope I’ve enlightened you (haha) and inspired you to consider having one in your wedding ceremony or celebration.

The post What is a unity candle ceremony? appeared first on Beautiful Day Celebrant.

It’s not news that wedding planning in a pandemic is tricky.  It feels like being in a weird virtual wedding waiting room, where people keep coming in, but no one ever leaves. Most couples have had to review their wedding plans in some way. If you’ve postponed your wedding already, you know all about the joys of rescheduling. If you’re newly engaged, you may find it difficult to know where to start.

What can I say to help, as we wait for normality to return, sitting socially distanced, on our sanitised chairs, with the fragrance of alcohol gel filling the air …

I’d like to offer you my home-grown planning tool, to help you prioritise your wedding and make some contingency plans.

Contingency plans for peace of mind

Whatever your situation, being crystal clear on your priorities will help you. The results will either confirm what you know, or give you some new insights. They will give you more peace of mind and a greater sense of control. I think we all need plenty of those right now!

What are your wedding Must-Haves?

When planning a ceremony, a speech, or any event in my life, I class everything as one of these:

• Must Have (something I can’t/won’t budge on)
• Nice to Have (I really love this)
• Could Have, or Not (I could limit/ditch this)

For example, having your complete wedding guest list could be your must-have. You’d rather postpone the wedding than uninvite people. Alternatively, maybe the date is your must-have. You want to marry asap, or on a certain date, even if it means fewer guests. Maybe the venue is your must-have. It’s your dream venue, which works brilliantly for your guests too. Maybe you don’t know what your must-haves are yet. Now’s a good time to decide.

Make a list of the main elements of your wedding eg indoor/outdoor, type of ceremony and officiant/celebrant, the number of guests, what restrictions you will/won’t accept, venue, date, budget, entertainment, catering, clothing and so on. Next, rank each one as a Must-Have, Nice to Have, or Could Have.

There are so many tempting choices in the world of weddings. It seems like everything is a Must Have, but using this method, you’ll discover the difference. When you have zoned in on your Must Haves, they are everything you really, really want for your wedding day. This clears your mind wonderfully, and your Nice to Haves and Could Haves fall nicely into line.

Make Contingency Plans A, Plan B, and even Plan C

Your first choice and favourite wedding plan is your Plan A. It has all your Must Haves and a good selection of your Nice to Haves. The Could Haves will also be making an appearance.

Let’s hope you get your Plan A, but be ready with a killer Plan B – and possibly even a bonus Plan C. These will give you peace of mind, and options.

Please note: if this sounds difficult or worrying, remember that British people are naturally very good at this. We have an all-scenarios-covered checklist just to go to the beach. So, whether you’re British, or are marrying here, you’re covered. Don’t worry.

You can develop your Plans A, B, C as a written-out scenario. For example: Plan A is that we get married outdoors in the Mystic Hollow, in September with 100 guests. There will be no restrictions on numbers, catering and dancing. Plan B is we get married in Swish House, in December with 50 guests and a socially distanced dinner and no dancing. Plan C, we switch back to Mystic Hollow in September the following year, with our original plan for 100 guests. You could write each element of your wedding on a flashcard and lay them out in different combinations. Colour code your Must Haves – do whatever makes sense to you.

You may discover that no plan is absolutely perfect. Wedding planning in a pandemic is probably going to throw a couple of things off course. The main thing is your Must Haves. Do you still have them?

With a good slug of flexibility and good humour, you’ll get there. In the end, your biggest and best Must Have is your partner. You WILL get married, even if it’s not exactly following your Plan A. Keep looking for the unexpected silver linings that changes bring. I know how cheesy that sounds but it’s true.

On a practical note, if you’d like more information on celebrant weddings, and how they can complement your legal wedding, and what’s the difference, check out my Frequently Asked Questions

The latest info on legal weddings

If you’re looking for the latest info on legal weddings in Dorset, Devon and Somerset from the respective Registration Services, check out these links.

Dorset

Devon

Somerset

Keep talking to people, and reach out for support and advice. Just don’t get like this ….!

If you need any help or a friendly chat, I’ll be in my virtual wedding waiting room.

Contact me

The post Wedding planning in a pandemic appeared first on Beautiful Day Celebrant.

Everyone wants their wedding ceremony to be memorable right?! No one ever actually plans for anyone to forget it, yet the ceremony sometimes gets short-shrift. Couples tell me they’re worried about their guests being bored during their ceremony. If that’s you, you’re in the right place: I can’t stand boring ceremonies either. I specialise in ceremonies that draw people in, and which are original and memorable, and personal. Here are some ways you can make your wedding ceremony more ‘you’.

Make it engaging

If people don’t know each other or feel included, a ceremony can feel a bit exclusive. A wedding ceremony should be a shared, joyful experience, not something anyone is passively observing. It’s my job to engage your guests, whilst keeping the focus on you. Any celebrant can, at the very least, namecheck key people; better still have a bit of info on them. You can get your friends and family involved in readings, blessings and symbolic rituals. I also have a few ideas for embarrassment-free ice breakers and tricks, to get people more connected.

Make it emotional

A personal ceremony fires up the happy, lovely emotions, which we all want – especially at a wedding. Some British people have a low threshold for big touchy-feely displays of physical affection, but ALL of us want to feel the love on a wedding day. For starters, consider the words of your ceremony. Words are so powerful in expressing emotion. They can get us roaring with laughter, whooping with joy, and sometimes shedding a quiet, happy tear. The right words, which convey genuine emotion – are absolute gold.

Make it relevant

We’ve all been to a wedding unfortunately, which is the standard ‘fixed price menu’ of ceremonies. There’s an unspoken sense of ‘take it or leave it’, ‘this is how it is’. Often the problem is that the ceremony is stuffed full of random, generalised, gushy cliches about love and marriage that you can’t relate to.  It’s quotable, Instagram-able padding which adds nothing to the ceremony – except time. Can you tell I’m not a fan?! It’s boring and the opposite of memorable. You could be spending that time, champagne in hand, chatting to friends and family you haven’t seen for 10 years. You deserve a wedding ceremony that’s relevant to you. I reckon to spend around 4 hours actually talking and listening to my wedding couples. I also get more brilliant info from the questionnaires I send out.

Make the vibe right

A ceremony is memorable when the vibe is right. This is a nuanced thing.  If your wedding theme is boho, fun and the tone of the ceremony is too formal, there’s an obvious mismatch. The right vibe is the one you choose, and it’s very personal. For example, I might show two couples the same love poem and one will say it’s beautiful and romantic, and the other will say it’s cheesy. A good ceremony gets the vibe right all the way through, which enhances your whole wedding day. By the way, I think this photo is cute, but if you think it’s naff – that’s OK.

Make it original

As individuals we are all so brilliantly original. I’m not talking about creative genius, or Nobel prize-winning originality. I mean the everyday originality of each and every one of us.  When I meet couples for the first time, it doesn’t take long for this to come out in their funny/endearing/ridiculous/clever personality traits, habits and sayings. Next, I like to hear about the adventures, mishaps, jobs, families and friends. And the best bit by far, is your love story, with all its twists and turns, to the happy ending. Together it’s the most amazing cocktail for an original wedding ceremony. Celebrating your originality is absolutely always memorable and never boring.

For a wedding ceremony to be really memorable, it has to be personal, all about YOU. It needs to have energy, be relevant, not too long, with a mix of emotions, and a big soft heart in the centre, when you make your vows and your mum/dad/best friend start to cry. There are also so many extra sprinkles and sparkles of originality that you can add. As your celebrant, I bring lots of ideas to the table.

No more boring wedding ceremonies! I’m excited to hear your story. Find out more here about your original, beautiful wedding ceremony.

The post No more boring weddings! Five ways to make your wedding more memorable appeared first on Beautiful Day Celebrant.

What does a wedding celebrant do?

A wedding celebrant creates a highly-personalised wedding ceremony,  tailored to a couple’s personalities and the style of their wedding day. The ceremony is crafted – like a made-to-measure suit, or a bespoke wedding dress. I spend time with you, getting to know you, understanding the vibe you want to create on your wedding day, so the ceremony fits you both perfectly.

What’s different about a celebrant wedding?

A celebrant wedding is the most free and flexible ceremony you can imagine. Every word is something that you choose, rather than something pre-set, imposed on you by a faith tradition or the law. With a celebrant wedding, you can have your ceremony anywhere, on any day of the week and at any time. Whatever your passions are in life, eg: travel, cocktails, dogs, dance music, we can find a place for them in your ceremony. If you have a faith, or traditions from your heritage or upbringing, we can reflect those too. The final result is a ceremony that feels completely right for you and is a highlight of your wedding day.

Can a wedding celebrant legally marry people?

No, unfortunately not. In England and Wales, only church ministers and registrars are licensed to legally marry people. Until the law changes (hopefully one day soon), in a celebrant wedding, the legal side of marriage is separate from the bespoke ceremony.

So, how does a celebrant wedding work?

With a celebrant wedding, the legal and personal ceremonies are separated. The legal ceremony could be minutes before your celebrant ceremony, or the day before or weeks or months beforehand. It might be in the UK or abroad. The legal ceremony must be arranged through a UK registration service or the foreign equivalent. After that, your celebrant wedding can take place wherever, whenever or however you choose. It’s wise to book a celebrant at the same time as your legal ceremony, as the most popular summer dates get booked up months, even years in advance.

If we have a legal and a bespoke ceremony, will it feel like we’re getting married twice?

No, it won’t feel like you are getting married twice because the two ceremonies are so different. For your legal marriage, you can book a full ceremony or just a legal signing at a UK registry office. For the legal signing, you will make a two simple legal declarations and sign the paperwork. You won’t exchange rings or the emotional, personal vows, which are included in a full ceremony. A legal signing often involves only immediate family and/or close friends. Although it feels significant, it is more of a simple legal undertaking than a celebratory wedding ceremony. If you marry abroad, naturally it will feel very different for that reason. There are several options and I am always happy to talk them over.

The wedding ceremony that I create for you will be different firstly because we get to know each other and secondly, because your ceremony is unique to you. No one will have the same, ever. You will be making your commitment in your own way. Everything is bespoke: from the moment you walk down the aisle (if you want to do that), to the confetti shower (if you’d like one of those).

What happens at a celebrant wedding?

What happens at a celebrant wedding is whatever you want. I offer you choices at every step. Many couples like to keep the familiar traditions of a wedding, walking down the aisle, the vows, exchange of rings, music and maybe a reading.

After that, there are lots of ways to modernise and personalise your ceremony. One of the most personal elements of a celebrant wedding is your love story. I will tell your story in a way that engages your guests. It will be authentic, romantic, funny and full of the love you share. I’ll talk to you about extra ideas, including symbolic rituals, such as a unity candle, handfasting or a sand ceremony. You might like the idea of live music and a singalong. We can include your friends and family, or the ceremony can just be the two of you. If you want to bring your dog, your baby, or your children – that’s great. Working with dogs and children is one of my specialities!

The ceremony will have your personalities stamped all over it. It might be quiet and romantic, or boisterous and full of laughter. There won’t be anything fake or boring about it; everything will mean something special to you.

If you have different nationalities, faiths, family or cultural traditions, these too can be woven into your ceremony.

Can we combine our civil and celebrant ceremonies?

It may be possible. Each registration district has its own guidelines. It’s always worth asking the question.

How long is a celebrant wedding ceremony?

My weddings tend to range from 30-50 minutes – typically the same as a church wedding and probably a little longer than a registration service wedding.

Who chooses a wedding celebrant?

All kinds of people choose a wedding celebrant, for a variety of different reasons. Some couples feel that neither a church, nor a civil wedding is right for them. This may be to do with their beliefs, or simply that they want to have a ceremony that really reflects who they are, led by a celebrant they have chosen. Some couples really want to be married in an unlicensed venue or a place that’s special to them, such as their family farm, or in their garden at home. There are couples who have already been legally married abroad and want to celebrate their wedding with family and friends in the UK. And there are those who want to celebrate their commitment, without being legally married. It’s all about choosing what feels right for you. And I hope it goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway, that I welcome LGBTQ couples.

Is a celebrant wedding much more expensive?

No – it’s not. I am completely open about my fees upfront. I charge £700 for a bespoke wedding ceremony. The simplest legal signing and notices costs £127 in most districts. To find out what’s included in my fee, please click here: Beautiful Day Celebrant weddings.

For registration service prices in your area, visit your local council’s website. Here are Dorset Council’s wedding prices .

How do I find the right wedding celebrant for me?

It’s really important to find someone you like, who you feel understands you and your ideas for your wedding. You’ll see many different wedding celebrants, with their own personality and style. I hope my website gives a clear impression of the kind of person I am: friendly, professional and creative. I’m always happy to have a phone or zoom meeting with you, with no obligation. It’s a chance for you to think through the different options, ask me questions and feel confident that you are making the right choice for you.

You can find out more about my ceremonies on Instagram @alicendines and Facebook @alicendinescelebrant. I am listed on Hitched and The Celebrant Directory

If you’d like to know more, get in touch. I’d love to hear from you. alicen@beautifuldaycelebrant.com, or 07976 360202.

The post What is a wedding celebrant? And other frequently asked questions appeared first on Beautiful Day Celebrant.

What is the origin of handfasting?

The word comes from Old Norse ‘handfesta’ which means making a bond or striking a deal, by the joining of hands. The word became ‘handfasting’ in Old English, as spoken by the Anglo-Saxons and it evolved to mean the joining of hands in marriage.

Like other traditional practices, handfasting was absorbed into church ritual. These days, at a church wedding, you’ll still see a form of handfasting. After the couple has said their vows, the priest will wrap their hands together in the stole he/she’s wearing and say the traditional and rather wonderful words: “What God has joined together, let no man put asunder”.

Who chooses a handfasting?

The answer is anyone and everyone – there are no boundaries of age, belief, style or tradition. You might think it’s just for pagans, or medieval re-enacters but a handfasting suits a stately home wedding as much as a festival wedding. If a handfasting appeals to you – go for it! There are so many ways to make it your own.

Handfasting for a wedding, commitment ceremony or renewal of vows

A handfasting can form part of a wedding, commitment ceremony or a renewal of vows. It can feature with or without a legal marriage or an exchange or rings.

Within a wedding, a handfasting adds an extra dimension to the sealing of your vows. Other members of the family or the bridal party can get involved.

For a commitment ceremony, handfasting is a significant, modern way to express your love, regardless of whether you ever want to be married. You don’t need to exchange rings – just bring your desire to be committed.

If you want to renew your vows, a handfasting enriches your original marriage ceremony, without taking away or replacing. We can use vows and colours from your wedding day, or do something that reflects who you are now. On a practical note, a handfasting allows you to keep your wedding rings on. That might not seem a big issue but speaking personally, after 20 years of marriage, my wedding ring is a lot snugger than it used to be!

How does a handfasting work?

At the heart of the ceremony, either during the marriage vows, or just after, the wedding couple will join hands. With this gesture, they are signalling their wish to be united in marriage. I wrap their clasped hands with the handfasting ribbons and say the blessing words. Afterwards, I slide the ribbons off, forming a knot and in this way, the couple has literally “tied the knot”.

And then everyone applauds!

What do you need for a handfasting?

Firstly, you don’t need to use ribbons – you can use cords, braids, lace or ribbons plaited together. If you have crafty or artistic friends who want to paint/knit/crochet/embroider your ribbons, that would be incredible wouldn’t it? Any kind of textile, or fabric which wraps around your hands will work well. You might use upholstery silk skeins, climbing ropes or even garden twine!

Whatever you choose, your ribbons need to be at least 1.5 metres in length. You can have as many ribbons as you like – often three are used but there are no rules. It looks good if the ribbons are similar width, which presents an even finish when they are tied. If you like, you can sew charms onto the ribbons to make them even more personal.

You can create the ribbons yourself, or you can hunt out specialist suppliers. I have a particular weakness for ribbon shops. The creative, colourful world of  VV Rouleaux  is like heaven to me!

If you prefer cords, Ceotha based in Edinburgh offers beautiful hand-crafted cords including the beach-themed ones below.

Can family and friends be part of a handfasting?

Yes – absolutely! I love it when people close to the couple want to get involved. You could ask your family or friends to choose your handfasting ribbons – whatever they feel expresses something about you as a couple. Alternatively, the ribbons can represent their wishes or blessings for your marriage. During the ceremony, they can be responsible for the ribbons and lay them over your arms. They may wish to say something about their choice. They can even tie the knot for you, with a bit of practice first!

Inspiration for your handfasting ribbons

You don’t need to be creative to make wonderful handfasting ribbons – you just need to decide on a theme for them. Start with the most important people and passions in your life and go from there. To help you get inspired, here are some things that your handfasting ribbons might express:

• Your past, present and future – represented in colours or different fabrics
• Your personalities eg yellow for happy, blue for thoughtful, red for passionate, silver for fun
• Promises for your marriage eg fur fabric for nurturing; elastic for trust; climbing cord for courage; gold ribbon for success and so on
• Shared passions eg a paw print ribbon for your love of your pets, a glittery one for your good times, the colours of your favourite sports team
• Your dreams, hopes and adventures
• The colours of your wedding scheme
• Special people – a ribbon for your children, grandchildren and so on
• Social, sports groups or faith communities that mean a lot to you
• Souvenirs from your travels, like these fabrics below, from Guatemala

There are so many ideas. Have fun thinking what would work perfectly for you! I will love helping you with suggestions too if I am your celebrant.

After the wedding and honeymoon is over, you can keep your ribbons in a memory box, frame them, or rework them into something else. I love the thought of the ribbons woven through a twisted willow wreath. I have a super-creative couple getting married next year and they are going to make a Welcome Home wreath with their handfasting ribbons. It will all be decorated with beads and charms, which sounds amazing. I can’t wait to see it!

Do check out my website for more information on weddings or you can find more wedding inspiration on Pinterest.

The post What is a handfasting? appeared first on Beautiful Day Celebrant.

What does a focal point look like?

Focal points come in all styles. Shape-wise, we humans seem to prefer arches and rectangles, which are basically squared-off arches anyway. When you look at an event venue, whether it’s a castle, hotel, church, theatre or barn, you will nearly always see these shapes. The rest of the focal point could be a raised area like a stage, somewhere set apart such as a gazebo, something high like a garden pergola or a balcony.

These places all share a sense of separateness, which also helps to direct our attention and makes us feel that something special is going to happen there.

Focal points aren’t new. The Romans loved arches and using them to create a bit of drama.

And Nature can create the perfect backdrop without even trying. This is Dorset’s Durdle Door.

Wonderful wedding focal points

At a wedding, the focal point should always be the couple getting married. Looking at the pictures below, it might look as if the main feature of the focal point is the strategically-placed table! In my view, that space should be strictly reserved for the wedding couple. I don’t want it filled with a registrar, or a celebrant and certainly not a table. And I always make sure the couple are either facing out towards their guests or facing each other, depending on what’s being said. It may be traditional to look at a couple’s backs but tradition is only worth it when it works well.

Focal points can be grand, or minimal, subtle or full-on. Here are a few examples of different scenes and styles.

A beautiful, natural scene benefits from being framed by a simple curtain, billowing in the breeze. 

A garden space such as an orangery or pergola offers a wonderful mix of structural and natural features.

 I really love these contrasting colours and the natural aisle created by the hedge and stone path.

Inside venues capitalise on their style and character. This sleek, modern space suits an elegant  contemporary style.

 The fireplace is the ideal backdrop for an intimate wedding or renewal of vows. 

Barn weddings are really popular and their relaxed vibe allows you to get really creative.

This is full-on rustic drama. NB the central table is once again stealing the attention.

Indulge in the Gothic drama of an English country home. Just perfect – without the table.

To me, a double rainbow is the perfect focal point. It doesn’t matter how many rainbows I see in my life, I will still be amazed by one. If I could produce a rainbow at the perfect point in a  ceremony, that would be my ideal scenario!

Find your favourite focal point

If you’re looking for slightly more achievable options for focal points, I’ve put a few of my favourites on Pinterest

And if you’re planning a wedding (congratulations!), there are brilliant stylists such as www.fundooweddings.co.uk, who will create a show-stopping backdrop for you. Alternatively, if you’re crafty, the inspiration and know-how is all out there, ready to be plundered.

Your ceremony space can be as simple or as OTT as you want. I hope you have a lovely time making it just right.

And don’t hesitate to get in touch if you’d like a bespoke ceremony to match!

The post Why every ceremony needs a focal point appeared first on Beautiful Day Celebrant.

You’ve organised your wedding down to the last detail, made all the decisions about the ceremony and reception. Now you can stop worrying, relax and be happy, right?

If that’s you – hooray, excellent, carry on! If it’s not you and you’re still feeling really stressed about your wedding, this blog post is for you.

As a celebrant, I see lots of excitement and quite a bit of stress from couples. Both are perfectly natural; your wedding is one of the biggest days of your life and you want it to be just right. But after you’ve planned everything so carefully, WHY is it so hard to relax?

This is the way I see it. There are gnomes that get inside our heads, bothering us with insecurities and anxieties. Some of these relate to our own self-confidence and about managing a big occasion; others come from the world outside, including opinions from other people and the media.

Here are a few examples of wedding gnome thoughts:

• What if the speeches are really embarrassing?
• What if someone gets ill or has an accident?
• Is there enough space at the venue?
• What if it’s too hot / cold / wet / foggy / snowy?
• Will we offend someone by not inviting them?
• Will our grandparents hate it?
• Have we got enough food and booze?
• I feel sick with nerves

Sound familiar? Look at the gnome swinging happily back and forth. He’s having a lovely time.

This blog is all about blitzing and putting pre-wedding worries into perspective. I think almost everyone has some of these worries. Before I say more, there are two truths we need to acknowledge.

First truth: everyone has an opinion on weddings

As you may have already discovered, every last individual on the planet (or so it seems) has an opinion or a story about weddings: what makes a good one and horror stories about ones that went wrong. If people thought about it first, they probably wouldn’t regale you but hey-ho, we’re British and we love a story.

Here’s a tip. Whenever you hear the words: “I once went to a wedding and ….” put your mental force-field on maximum power. None of this relates to you. However, if there is a crumb of useful advice in there, grab it and ignore the rest.

Second truth: the world of weddings can be bad for you

Weddings online, wow! The sheer volume of ideas, products and advice is mind-boggling! It’s brilliant, it’s useful and it’s really scary – all at once. After a sesh looking at weddings online, even I start to feel a bit insecure. And I’m not even getting married!

All those beautiful websites are powerful and enticing. Unfortunately, their aim is not to make you feel good about your wedding. Quite the reverse. They want to sell a fresh idea to you. If they could, they would persuade you to upgrade your partner to Premium Partner X series, limited edition with extra blingy bits.

With this kind of marketing pressure, it’s not surprising that your head is like a free party for wedding gnomes.

Here are some common gnomes and how to banish them:

“Their wedding looks amazing. Ours could never be as beautiful as that.”

The ‘Compared to Other Weddings on Instagram’ gnome is probably the most annoying. It plants the fear in your mind that your wedding (which has been absolutely perfect until you saw That Image) might not now be perfect enough.
Social media is an infinity of stunning, real-life weddings, tailored for your personal enjoyment / torment, depending on how you are feeling.

My advice is to unfollow, unsubscribe un-everything wedding-related and go into your own happy place in the run up to your big day. Your wedding is real, it’s you and therefore it’s perfect. No one else’s can ever be the same. No one else’s can compare to it, or top it because it’s yours.

“We really need that incredible bar, stocked with every kind of craft beer brewed in the British Isles.”

This ‘Just One More Wow-Factor’ gnome will always make you feel like you should have some other extra thing you hadn’t thought of before. The mindset it wants you to adopt is that more = more perfection. Sometimes though, as we know, more = more hassle (and the same amount of perfection).

Ask yourself honestly, what is a) a must-have b) nice to have c) fabulous and overpriced d) cute but ridiculous? Weddings can turn into 10 Christmases rolled into one. Sticking to a budget is important for most couples. Even if money isn’t an issue, there comes a point when you might just be overdoing it and giving yourself more stress.

If you discover cocktail stirrers that sing like Beyonce, there will probably always be an occasion in future for them. Your first wedding anniversary maybe.

I don’t think those cocktail stirrers actually exist but they should.

“We’re bound to upset someone because X hates Y; A split up with B and C,D,E,F,G will all want to sit together.”

One thing guaranteed to wind you up is the ‘Keeping Family and Friends Happy’ gnome. It makes Brexit look like a picnic. After you’ve done your best to please everyone and seat the right people together, you’re ready for a top job at the United Nations.

I guess the question is whether it’s really up to you to sort out other people’s problems on your wedding day. Hopefully, the answer is no. Just do the seating plan and stay out of everything else. Otherwise, you could easily end up booking people’s B&Bs, sending them train times, picking them up at the station etc etc.

It can easily get too much – so don’t be anyone’s family therapist, PA or travel manager.

“I’m worried I’ll fluff my lines”

Fluffing your lines can be cute. Almost as cute as fluffy ducklings.

Spontaneous moments break the tension, get a laugh and (if your photographer’s alert), make a great picture. Recently, I said that the groom had ‘massaged’ the bride instead of ‘messaged’ her. Of course, everyone found it funny. I wished I’d thought of it before!

Try to think of your wedding ceremony as a celebration and a gift to you. It isn’t a test, a performance or a competition. With a bespoke ceremony, the words have no legal weight, so it doesn’t matter if you make a mistake. If it is a legal ceremony, you can just say a line again if you get it wrong. Registrars are generally very nice like that.

The main thing to remember is that everyone else, will be on your side.

“I’m sooo nervous!”

The ‘Fear of Being in the Spotlight’ gnome can sneak up on you – usually at night – reminding you that you hate being the centre of attention and speaking in public. This can easily spoil your excitement and hype up your stress levels.

I would encourage you to talk things through, rather than bottling them up or sweeping them under the carpet. We can make sure your ceremony works for you. For example, if you don’t want to walk up the aisle, don’t. Have a rehearsal. Have two rehearsals. I will help you write and deliver a wedding speech that you will look forward to delivering.

Of course, there is another reason why you might be nervous. You’re about to make a beautiful, lifelong commitment to your soulmate. That is a big deal and honestly, it’s well worth feeling a bit nervous about.

“What if everything goes wrong?”

The ‘Doom, Disaster and Acts of God’ gnome can have a field day with a wedding. Sure, something may go wrong but realistically not everything will go wrong. Having planned events as well as ceremonies throughout my career, I’ve learnt to use this kind of gnome to my advantage. When planning a wedding ceremony, it’s really important to think through any glitches and work out contingencies, just in case. My top tip is never to rely on technology. It has a mind of its own. Bluetooth will work fine one day, not the next. CDs will play perfectly on one player and jump like a kangaroo on another. It always pays to have back-ups.

The trick is knowing when to stop with your glitches. I really need to stop worrying about a worldwide Prosecco drought.

And finally…

There may be other worries I haven’t mentioned. I can’t promise that if you choose me as your celebrant, you’ll never have a moment’s stress about your wedding. However, I know you’ll have confidence in the ceremony and the decisions we make together. You’ll be more relaxed because you know me and there will be plenty of laughs along the way.

If you’re looking for a celebrant or would like to know more about how a bespoke wedding is different from a registry office wedding, do get in touch.

Happy wedding planning![/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

The post How to stay happy with your wedding and stop worrying appeared first on Beautiful Day Celebrant.

Around 75% of us say that public speaking is our Number One Fear. Before I became a celebrant, I was a public speaking coach. I coached hundreds of people in business who were petrified of making a speech. The most extreme example was a man who was so scared of presenting, that he felt he was going to have a heart attack. To begin with, he gave his talk sitting down. By the end of the day he could stand and he went on to give a great, relaxed presentation.

Making a wedding speech isn’t easy, nor should it be. A good speech stands out when you can hear the effort that’s gone into it. It doesn’t have to be perfect; it just needs to be your own words – not Google’s. It takes time and effort to plan what you want to say and some skills in how to look and sound confident.

So, for starters, here are my top 5 Do’s and Don’ts of public speaking, based on years of watching hundreds of speeches and presentations, on very many diverse topics!

Top 5 don’ts of public speaking

The first on the list is by far the biggest offender!

1. Don’t procrastinate

Here’s the bad news: your wedding speech will not come to you by magic, hand-delivered by The Speech Fairy. Lots of us justify procrastination, saying that we are waiting for inspiration, or planning the speech in our head. In truth, all we are doing is putting off the inevitable business of getting started. This strategy really ramps up the pressure on ourselves. Time starts to fritter away and before we know it, the wedding day has dawned and our speech feels rushed and unfinished – like it’s been written in the pub the night before. Erm, funny that …! So please just start, even if it feels rubbish to begin with.

2. Don’t tell smutty or mean stories

There is a line over which you may not step in your wedding speech. The risks to your personal health and of ruining the day are completely real. Stories that came out at hen and stag nights are not fair game for wedding speeches. Also, Mums & Dads, think carefully about the stories you share about your child’s early years. Weddings are beautiful, highly-charged occasions and no one wants to a) be humiliated or b) hear something cringey about themselves or someone they love. That’s not to say you can’t tell jokes at the happy couple’s expense. No – that would be terrible. Just ask yourself: is it clean, is it funny and is it kind? Ok, kind-of kind. If you’re not sure where the line is, ask the most empathetic, sensible person you know.

Also, remember that you’re probably on camera, so whatever you say will play back to you at some point.

3. Don’t PANIC!!!

When we feel nervous, we produce adrenaline which can feel very uncomfortable. Often the symptoms (blushing, sweating, trembling etc) kick in exactly when we want to look calm and confident.

My tips are to avoid too much caffeine or alcohol; they are not your public-speaking friends. One coffee will perk you up but more could make you feel more anxious. Similarly with alcohol. A drunk speech is the ultimate no-no – unless you enjoy being mocked and/or chastised by your family and friends forever and ever.

4. Don’t use paper notes

When we feel nervous, our hands often shake. When our hands shake, so do the paper notes in our hands. It actually feels like paper notes have an extra-special way of shaking loudly and visibly, almost as if they want to make us feel more self-conscious.

I advise using cards or an ipad, with plenty of charge.  Powerpoint – unless it’s done ironically – is a bit naff because it will probably remind your audience of work. Also, with Powerpoint, it’s tempting to talk to the screen, which everyone will have already skim-read ahead of you anyway.

5. Don’t overthink

Yes, it’s a big moment and quite rightly, you want to do your best but actually your job is to make your audience feel good. Try to put your focus squarely on them and take the pressure off yourself as a performer. Your friends and family are primed to enjoy your speech. They’re happy, probably slightly squiffy and genuinely keen to laugh at any of your jokes.

Imagine being Boris Johnson at the EU Parliament. That is genuinely terrifying. Be ready to laugh at yourself with a daft line such as: ‘Did I actually just say that?’ or ‘I knew I shouldn’t have let my father in law/baby/dog write this speech.’

So, enough with the Don’ts, how can you smash your wedding speech? These are some of my favourite tips.

How to make a great wedding speech: the top 5 do’s

1. Begin early

It always shows when you’ve spent time on your speech, which in turn is a great compliment to your audience. To use a cookery metaphor: a good speech is a slow roast, not a stir fry. Get ahead, preferably weeks not days or hours beforehand. Jot down ideas and stories when they pop into your head. Your brain will reward you with a theme or an order to your ideas, as if by magic! Use mind-mapping to organise your thoughts and help you ditch ideas that won’t work or you don’t have time for.  This is a simple video description of mind-mapping for a speech on YouTube.

2. Share the stage

Create a double act – with someone you like! It makes great entertainment and can really boost your confidence. You’ll have someone to bounce ideas off, plus you get a breather when it’s not your turn to speak. The right person for your double act is someone who’s rock-solid reliable and a good complement to your character.

3. Learn to control your nerves

When nerves kick in, sometimes they rev up for hours (even days) ahead. That can be totally exhausting, so you need be able to control them. Nerves are caused by adrenaline, which centres on your brain and stomach, where it tends to cause the most trouble. To disperse adrenaline and feel more relaxed, take a brisk walk, run, sing, laugh, jump up. Take a few deep breaths in and out – with a very slow breath on the ‘out’ breath. Practice saying a positive affirmation to yourself eg my speech is great, it’s funny and heartfelt and I’m going to give it 100% – to boost your confidence.

4. Use good notes

It’s a lovely idea (but seriously misguided) to learn your speech by heart and expect to deliver it faultlessly on the day. Who needs the pressure?! It’s only legends like Jeremy Paxman and Stephen Fry who get away without notes. But I bet they have them somewhere ….

I really recommend you have legible notes that don’t depend on WiFi. Work from abbreviated notes, as opposed to a full script, which encourages you to stare at your notes. You can also easily lose your place in a full script. You need to know your speech really well, so you can look up at the audience and make eye contact, which looks super-confident.

5. Learn how to tell a joke

If there’s one thing you need to learn to make a great wedding speech, it’s how to tell a joke. Some people think they naturally can’t tell a joke but I know from experience that everyone can. If you watch comedians on YouTube, you’ll see the different ways they set up the joke. Pace, pauses, speaking clearly, eye contact and avoiding deviation, repetition and hesitation are all important. The most vital thing is to land the punchline and not garble or throw it away by looking at your notes. There’s a lot more I can tell you but watching the great comics is a good place to start.

Next steps

You can become really good at giving speeches and enjoy it, even if you hate it now. I am living proof! I used to dread standing up in front of people, now I love it. I would love to help you too. I will give you techniques including: how to organise your speech, how to tell a good story or joke and how to hit the right note  with your audience. I’ll tell you about body language and voice skills, which make you look confident – even before you feel it. Most importantly, I will show you how to speak confidently as your genuine self.

If you need help with a speech, or you’d like to be a better public speaker, please contact me. You will  be really impressed by the changes that you can achieve. The skills you learn will give you techniques and lasting self-confidence, to help you with the first of many brilliant speeches and talks.

If you’re still tempted to procrastinate, remember that there really is no Speech Fairy.

The post How to make a great wedding speech appeared first on Beautiful Day Celebrant.